The confusion was as bewildered as the mid life crisis
The fear was as scary as a mother with menopause
The sorrow was as gloomy as every Sunday evening
The light was as bright as the pre death hallucination,
The violence was as bloody as the first period in a girl’s life,
The darkness was as blinding as the sun directly glaring into the eyes,
The chaos was as organized as Nature or God’s work !
About two years back in history, I saw the live stand up of my favorite comic then – Louie CK, when he came to Detroit. I was furious that he was wearing a suit, which was contrary to his philosophy of life and stand-up image (I was and am not sure if those two co-exist or not). He was funny with his life anecdotes and tragic but humorous sexual miscarriages, and he did explain, to my satisfaction, as to why he was wearing as suit. But, this dissatisfaction and its removal was just the tip of the iceberg! He was and I think still is, ignoring the recent reveal which is very hard to ignore and relate to his stand up stories, one of the best comic writers and performers in Hollywood. His glory came with his earlier stand-up and the wild rant about masturbating. His T.V. show ‘Louie’ was my favorite among everything funny I have ever watched in life. He used many philosophical layers in his humor and I absolutely loved it, but only until last year before his comic dominance over my humor frequency fizzled out when the stories of his ‘masturbating in front of some women (The count is five until now)’ came out. Therefore, my theory that Power (which in his life was being the top comedy writer and performer, and MONEY, of course) corrupts everyone. He was one of the few humans whom I thought was disconnected with the use of his name and image, but turns out he was not!
Therefore, a lot of us have these dark urges, which we either ignore completely or keep in check. The reason that we can accept for keeping a check on these DOMINANT urges is to be a good human being. Nevertheless, as soon as even a small amount of any category of Power (Money, Image, Acceptance, Love etc.) is realized, humans, these days, tend to exploit it. They become dominant and assume that no one is ever going to tell on their torn and dark conscious. However, Karma is a bitch! But, how does a human being go from normal to weird to dominantly abusive?
My theory is that we keep flexing our conscious every now and then to achieve some goal, personal or professional. We justify it in our own head and never speak of it. This keeps happening until one day some of it is abhorrently exposed or confronted. We live in a very complicated world now and everyone wants to get rich instantly. This makes us very vulnerable to becoming dominant because the common misconception is that if you ask dominantly, a large percentage of human beings are assumed to not to fight back and just submit to your demand. I find it much more comforting when someone does something out of Love or Respect. It creates the kind of Peace that makes me sleep at night. Dominance in knowledge is very healthy in a moment of making a decision, but no one is ready to live with the fuzzy logic of ‘Using only when necessary.’ The brain is trained to work in routines and hence once the feeling of being dominant is born, it stays and sometimes finishes one’s career in a momentary glitch.
So, my question still stands, is there anyone who did not compromise his or her conscious to become Powerful and DOMINANT? If not, then we really live in ‘Kali-yug’ – the age of downfall, as mentioned in the Hindu mythology.
Randomly, to quote the band Pearl Jam’s song ‘I am mine’ –
“And the feeling, it gets left behind, all the innocence lost at one time, significant behind the eyes, there is no need to hide!”
Because it explains that if you have lost your innocence, then be yourself and tell the world who you are, so that they can treat you accordingly. Do not just hide away and torture people at the expense of their trust, love, and helplessness or simply respect!
Always remember, you are not DOMINANT, it is just that people are loving, kind, tolerant and sometimes helpless. Start sewing your conscious now! Or maybe it is too late!
The day is dry with faded insignia of a hot summer. Clouds are in the mood to pour, but holding on in fury. Crops are swinging in chaos. Wind is bleak and edgy. The scenery is a sad blues song. The heart skips a beat, but the mind refuses to accept defeat. Rebellion is mostly verbose and frustrating. Society is always unhappy with my thoughts. What needs to change ? Should I step back into the fantastic weather prepared for me by the society? Or should I be EVOKE to enter the storm of acting on it!
A lot of us may know the name “John Locke” from the famous TV series “Lost“. But that lot might not remember his character’s real name “Jeremy Bentham”. His character went through a lot of pain during his life before the plane crashed into the island where he found himself absolved of all pain and began to believe that “The Island” was his place to be, as he found a lot of pleasure in following its vague spiritual orders through “Jacob”, and otherwise.
In the real world too, a Jeremy Bentham existed a while ago. Was he in anyway connected to this reel character? Lets ponder!
Jeremy Bentham breathed through 1748 until 1832. He was the great British Economist and Philosopher who founded ‘Utilitarianism‘ and tried to quantify the ‘Pleasures and Pains’ in one’s life through his thorough but still tacit work called “Felicific Calculus“.
He laid out a very indulgently descriptive list of ‘Pleasures’ and ‘Pains’ in human lives.
The Pleasure of senses, skill, wealth, power, benevolence, amity, good name, imagination; to list a few. The Pains of enmity, association, expectation, ill name etc.
His idea was to minimize the pains and maximize the pleasures for the greater good of everyone according to a certain metric he invented. He tried quantification through parameters like the Intensity, certainty, propinquity, purity, duration and extent of Pleasure and Pain. But his doctrine had a flaw – the probability of all these parameters to differentiate for each individual was huge! The chances that 2 individuals will have the same intensity, purity, duration or any other effect of a pleasure or pain was zero, zilch, nada! and the number of differentiating factors and their intensity difference was uncountable! So his “Felicific Calculus” was not as thorough as he wanted it to be.
Hedonism, the philosophy of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain was born from Utilitarianism. So Jeremy Bentham, in a way, pushed the lazy to the couch! But from his written pieces, one can observe that absolute pleasure was not part of his campaign! He was just trying to quantify life through pain and pleasures and the takeaway was ‘For the good of everyone!’
In the modern day technological advancement, a lot of human population is nowadays quantifying their life, but to a better cause of balancing the pains and pleasures. Everyone has these health gadgets these days to quantify sleep, exercise, diet, diseases and other health related parameters. One prime example would be FitBit. Financial gadgets, with the ease of regulations, have caused the rise of fiscal awareness among the common folks. Apps like Robin Hood, PayPal, Apple Pay, Samsung Pay etc. cater to a very eager audience of today who want to quantify (Read: Optimize) their routine (Read: Time and Money) to the level where they gather information and execute a good amount of financial investment and stabilization tasks with much less time spent. These are just 2 facets of life I have indulged in providing some examples of. There are many more facets (Read: Almost all) where quantification, not possible earlier, has now changed the way the general human population gathers information and executes daily life tasks.
I think the words to remember are Balance and Over Indulgence. Both serve two different Devils/ Gods of two different worlds.
The real question is
‘Once Self Pleasing attitude starts driving you, How deep would you like to indulge?and in what direction specifically – For the greater good of everyone, a selected few or just yourself ?’
Should I scribble love or may I delve into heartbreak!
Should I vote the least debased or may I choose vote not to!
Should I pamper humans or may I abhor the inhumanity!
Should I clean the mess or may I be chaotically organized!
Should I fluff it up or may I be a realist!
Should I follow the rules or may I be a rebel for no cause!
Should I serve and rule or may I conquer and deplore!
Should I pomp and show or may I remain elusive!
Should I lounge and relax or may I blast the grandeur!
Should I live and let live or may I police all entity!
Should I be prepared or may I follow blindly!
Should I be capitalistic or may I indulge the Ideals!
Should I be myself or may I be myself!
Every morning I get up and think
I have left all behind me
But that itself is the irony
Of the bottled up memories
And my head starts to hurt
And something makes the loudest noise
I cannot stand it but I do somehow
Times heals everything some said
Time steals everything I say
But it still stays there with you
Only the black memory
Only the grey feeling
Only the cloud about to burst
Ignited remains the thirst
Time to come clean
At least on the outside
Coz inside it’s a mockery
For everyone standing outside
So I wake up and fake up
And walk the road of emptiness
Filled with practicality
Coz that’s what they want
And that’s what I do
Coz I am an employee
Of everyone I know
As faithful as a dog….
The long nights don’t pass themselves
The misery does not ring the doorbell
The opportunity always asks for my self respect
The appreciation is a give and take concept
The liking is all about being something else
The responsibility is a count of my pulse
The time is only the observer
Winner is the real loser
The history just repeats itself
The society just deceits itself
God of small things just got assassinated
By the C.E.O of mature social administration
As he got himself designated
You are only a pawn on the board
You are stuck with a big baggage on the road
You might just make it big
But big is what they want you to be
Power is what you think you can just see
I am nothing but a shred of evolution
Soul is in the search of revolution
Understand where you might just end
Hope is just around that weird bend
Taking stuff in your hands
Makes you responsible for those lands
Trust is not what they think they do
The big people get beaten right around the bush
So sit back and watch the action
Coz u don’t want to risk the reaction
Entertain them as that is what you do
Or they might just bring down the curtains on you!
Living so long, almost being immortal!
Too young to be too old
Too old to be too fresh
Too fresh to be too stale
Too stale to be still alive
The wise with their wisdom
The naïve with their ignorance
The special with their weirdness
And the nothings with their emptiness
All perish with zilch to spare
Only a few days, and then nobody care
People living, people dying
People stabbing, people burning,
People hating, people loving
From liking a candy bar to hating the society
From loving the soulmate to hating oneself
From the scratch to the deep wound
From pain to healing to the deep agony again
From seeping to oozing blood
From creeping to lunging heartbeat
None and all of it matters!
The time acts like a frail little turtle
Seems like forever to be alive!!