The confusion was as bewildered as the mid life crisis
The fear was as scary as a mother with menopause
The sorrow was as gloomy as every Sunday evening
The light was as bright as the pre death hallucination,
The violence was as bloody as the first period in a girl’s life,
The darkness was as blinding as the sun directly glaring into the eyes,
The chaos was as organized as Nature or God’s work !
The day is dry with faded insignia of a hot summer. Clouds are in the mood to pour, but holding on in fury. Crops are swinging in chaos. Wind is bleak and edgy. The scenery is a sad blues song. The heart skips a beat, but the mind refuses to accept defeat. Rebellion is mostly verbose and frustrating. Society is always unhappy with my thoughts. What needs to change ? Should I step back into the fantastic weather prepared for me by the society? Or should I be EVOKE to enter the storm of acting on it!
A lot of us may know the name “John Locke” from the famous TV series “Lost“. But that lot might not remember his character’s real name “Jeremy Bentham”. His character went through a lot of pain during his life before the plane crashed into the island where he found himself absolved of all pain and began to believe that “The Island” was his place to be, as he found a lot of pleasure in following its vague spiritual orders through “Jacob”, and otherwise.
In the real world too, a Jeremy Bentham existed a while ago. Was he in anyway connected to this reel character? Lets ponder!
Jeremy Bentham breathed through 1748 until 1832. He was the great British Economist and Philosopher who founded ‘Utilitarianism‘ and tried to quantify the ‘Pleasures and Pains’ in one’s life through his thorough but still tacit work called “Felicific Calculus“.
He laid out a very indulgently descriptive list of ‘Pleasures’ and ‘Pains’ in human lives.
The Pleasure of senses, skill, wealth, power, benevolence, amity, good name, imagination; to list a few. The Pains of enmity, association, expectation, ill name etc.
His idea was to minimize the pains and maximize the pleasures for the greater good of everyone according to a certain metric he invented. He tried quantification through parameters like the Intensity, certainty, propinquity, purity, duration and extent of Pleasure and Pain. But his doctrine had a flaw – the probability of all these parameters to differentiate for each individual was huge! The chances that 2 individuals will have the same intensity, purity, duration or any other effect of a pleasure or pain was zero, zilch, nada! and the number of differentiating factors and their intensity difference was uncountable! So his “Felicific Calculus” was not as thorough as he wanted it to be.
Hedonism, the philosophy of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain was born from Utilitarianism. So Jeremy Bentham, in a way, pushed the lazy to the couch! But from his written pieces, one can observe that absolute pleasure was not part of his campaign! He was just trying to quantify life through pain and pleasures and the takeaway was ‘For the good of everyone!’
In the modern day technological advancement, a lot of human population is nowadays quantifying their life, but to a better cause of balancing the pains and pleasures. Everyone has these health gadgets these days to quantify sleep, exercise, diet, diseases and other health related parameters. One prime example would be FitBit. Financial gadgets, with the ease of regulations, have caused the rise of fiscal awareness among the common folks. Apps like Robin Hood, PayPal, Apple Pay, Samsung Pay etc. cater to a very eager audience of today who want to quantify (Read: Optimize) their routine (Read: Time and Money) to the level where they gather information and execute a good amount of financial investment and stabilization tasks with much less time spent. These are just 2 facets of life I have indulged in providing some examples of. There are many more facets (Read: Almost all) where quantification, not possible earlier, has now changed the way the general human population gathers information and executes daily life tasks.
I think the words to remember are Balance and Over Indulgence. Both serve two different Devils/ Gods of two different worlds.
The real question is
‘Once Self Pleasing attitude starts driving you, How deep would you like to indulge?and in what direction specifically – For the greater good of everyone, a selected few or just yourself ?’
Should I scribble love or may I delve into heartbreak!
Should I vote the least debased or may I choose vote not to!
Should I pamper humans or may I abhor the inhumanity!
Should I clean the mess or may I be chaotically organized!
Should I fluff it up or may I be a realist!
Should I follow the rules or may I be a rebel for no cause!
Should I serve and rule or may I conquer and deplore!
Should I pomp and show or may I remain elusive!
Should I lounge and relax or may I blast the grandeur!
Should I live and let live or may I police all entity!
Should I be prepared or may I follow blindly!
Should I be capitalistic or may I indulge the Ideals!
Should I be myself or may I be myself!
Every morning I get up and think
I have left all behind me
But that itself is the irony
Of the bottled up memories
And my head starts to hurt
And something makes the loudest noise
I cannot stand it but I do somehow
Times heals everything some said
Time steals everything I say
But it still stays there with you
Only the black memory
Only the grey feeling
Only the cloud about to burst
Ignited remains the thirst
Time to come clean
At least on the outside
Coz inside it’s a mockery
For everyone standing outside
So I wake up and fake up
And walk the road of emptiness
Filled with practicality
Coz that’s what they want
And that’s what I do
Coz I am an employee
Of everyone I know
As faithful as a dog….
Friday, the edge of sobriety
Mingling at the bar, being served the mysterious concoctions!
The rugged wooden surface endures it all, the spill, the spots, the cash, the stories and the conversations!
A march towards the edge of Inebriation!
I keep waiting for the call. I keep waiting for the light. It is not real, I know. It is in my heart. It is pure, I know. It is the pursuit of pure happiness. It is like poetry, surreal imagination.
It will be a voyage of epic proportions. It will be a journey of my lifetime. It will arrive, soon.
I have heard that some humans longed for it all their lifetime, but it did not come.
But I am not afraid to wait. I am not afraid to grab it once it hints its arrival. The likelihood of its occurrence is highly unlikely, but the highly unlikely is always more likely to happen anyways!
This voyage will give me wings of imagination; it will induce the muscles of experience, it will fill the void of emptiness, it will empty my half-filled glass of water and fill it with somras!
This journey will push me off the edge and then I will fly over the fields of confusion and misery and reach the barn of intrigue and control.
The light will blind me of my doubts and I will smell the fragrance of clarity then!
The tunnel of anxiety will end and I will arrive at the junction I need to refill my calm at! Then I will carry on!
It will last a lifetime, and it will create the time of my life!
Bo Voyage, to myself!